"Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science.
Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians -- you're here because we want the best, and you are it. Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself; I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place. That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry fellas, she's married. To SCIENCE!!"